The Greeks used three words to refer to love: eros, carnal love; philia, friendship; and agape, accomplished and mature love.
Is love only there to comfort us? Shouldn't we seek to give meaning to love, as to every event in life? Only meaning saves the human condition. Meaning… The great question. The inescapable question. Nothing is worth living in the absence of meaning. Meaning is humanity's great question, especially since we understand nothing about it and control nothing about it. As is often the case, humanity controls itself even less the more we desperately try to believe the opposite. A love devoid of meaning will remain mere eros. It is possible to respond that eros, too, gives meaning: caresses, kisses, bodies intertwined are a discovery of the other. While Greek eros most often involves abduction, possession, it would be wrong to reduce it to that. The boundaries between the three loves can be subtle. Our era likes to relativize these boundaries. Transgression lies in wait for our every step; or our missteps.
The meaning of love surpasses us and elevates us. God gives us His Son and lets Him die on the cross for the sole purpose of giving meaning to our lives. He eradicates sin by revealing it to the world. He designates love as the only alternative to evil. And we must remember Saint Paul:
If I speak in tongues, both human and angelic, but do not have love, I am only a resounding tin cup, a clanging cymbal.
Even if I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I were to distribute all my possessions to the hungry, if I were to give my body to the flames, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
He excuses everything, he believes everything, he hopes for everything, he endures everything.
Love never disappears.
The prophecies? They will be abolished.
Languages? They will come to an end.
Knowledge? It will be abolished.
For our knowledge is limited and our prophecy is limited. But when perfection comes, what is limited will be done away with.
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put an end to what was proper to the child.
Now we see as in a mirror and in a confused way, but then it will be face to face.
Now my knowledge is limited, but then I shall know as I am known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1)
We see that agape reigns supreme in love. Agape is this ultimate end, the true meaning of love. Reading Saint Paul, we also realize that friendship is entirely contained within love. Philia can be considered on its own, but its Christian purpose is to become agape. We also understand that its failure lies in not achieving this transformation. Let us imagine a philia between a man and a woman: there is always a risk of seduction. What is a philia that surrenders itself to eros?
Finally, it should be noted that agape is a love devoid of seduction. It does not use "tricks" or artifice. Obviously, those are left to the Prince of this world.
A new friendship is a world revealed, unfolding at our feet. What is our reaction? Faced with a world that stretches out before us, are we responsible for it (from * respondere *, to answer for it)? Have we done anything to deserve this new love? No, we have done nothing. So little meaning has come from our daily actions. Our first instinct is often to trample this world underfoot, because immediately, faced with beauty, we think of possessing it. That's humanity for you. What is beautiful, what is better, what transcends us, must belong to us. Not God. No, not God. Because modern man has stopped believing in God. Too big, too strong, no time for such nonsense he cannot possess. What transcends him deserves only possession or contempt. We must always go faster. We don't have time. If we cannot possess, if we cannot enjoy, we despise. It is easy to understand, therefore, the popularity of Eros.
All creatures lack something, and not just the lack of being creators.
As we know, those who are carnal lack pure beings.
But those who are pure, it must be known, lack of being carnal.(2)
So, this world that knocks at the door? If it gives itself, we dominate it. If it gives itself, we possess it. Therein lies our self-sufficiency in the face of the Other. Because there is no place more egalitarian than love. Love is truth, and everyone is equal before truth.
Many friendships falter after a while. In most cases, this breakdown becomes apparent as soon as one or both parties become arrogant, as soon as one or both parties desire possession or indulge in a deep-seated sense of superiority, as soon as one or both parties adopt a paternalistic stance, there is no longer any listening. As soon as genuine listening is no longer possible, as soon as it is subject to value judgments, an invisible and unspoken, yet complete, hierarchy takes hold. The minimum required for speaking and understanding each other is no longer present. Words lose their meaning.
1- We also know that in this offering of Saint Paul, the word "love" can be replaced by the name of Jesus. We will enjoy reciting these stanzas in this way and absorbing their meaning.
Author's translation of the First Epistle to the Corinthians by Saint Paul (1 Cor 13, 1).
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