Against the Robots

"Is it morning or evening?"
My breath caught, then came back. As if it were malfunctioning. It was failing me. My pneuma was leaving me. I breathed that I was ready. My God, how I love it! But then, my breath returned, as if nothing had happened, as if it had gone out to run an errand. The memores came out. I knew G. was coming. I hoped my last strength would last until his return. I was waiting for him to enter into agony. I felt no tension. I think everything happened quickly after that. Time rushed by. I heard different sounds that didn't all seem to belong to the same universe. It gave me a vague torpor, like the kind you feel when you're in a coma. Sounds coming from several dimensions.
G. arrived with two sisters, my little memores who had taken such good care of me all these years. I could hear perfectly what was being said. The soul has ears, doesn't it? I was gauging which witnesses would be present at my judgment. I questioned my angel, but he didn't answer. Had he already been called to pave my way? I could hear G. speaking to me in his melodious voice, trying to reassure me, but I couldn't reply. That's certainly what made him decide to bless me and offer me the last rites. My voice wouldn't come out again. I understood that this time, it would never come out again. My voice on Earth was silenced at that moment. It began like this. It had already betrayed me, but this time, I understood it was final. I no longer tried to change its mind. I felt that parts of me were becoming independent of me. I wanted to say again: My God, how I love you! I said it without a voice. With his eyes, G. understood me. The soul has ears. G. knelt down the moment I felt myself slip. I remembered myself as a child, slipping on a puddle of icy water and landing on my bottom, spinning around. My eyes closed on this delightful memory of Mom and Dad laughing heartily at my fall; my dear brother was laughing beside them too, and then he helped me up. My dear parents, who had given me life in difficult times and who, at the cost of great sacrifices, had prepared a wonderful home for me with their love.
Everything happened very quickly. I left my body. I understood that the soul was the true self . I could still feel my limbs. It was strange. I felt someone coming. Everything was happening very fast. A person was approaching. He was familiar to me. How did I know? It was like a new sense preceding all my lost senses. I knew who was coming even though I couldn't see anyone, in fact my vision was blurring, it was becoming confused, but I knew, I felt that someone was standing in front of me.

“The feeling is strange, I know. At least at first. You get used to it. Matter without matter. A bit like a man complaining of pain in his hands and feet after they’ve been amputated. My image is a bit abrupt… But it’s apt, isn’t it?”
I didn’t dare ask him who he was, though I was itching to. I kept trying to remember who it was. Asking his name seemed impolite, if I’d known him before… He anticipated the question that was burning on my lips as if he knew what I was thinking.
“That’s the other aspect that’s unsettling at first. You’ll meet many people you know or have heard of, and little by little, as you become accustomed to the place, you’ll recognize them immediately. You have to get used to it. These innate gifts have always been within you, but dormant. Your soul is still steeped in the habits of the earth.” Here, names matter little. We know each other because we recognize each other. Souls don't call each other by name on Earth, because they don't have to cooperate within a social group with a body and a mind, where each part pulls in different directions; souls contain the name. For now, call me R., if you like, while you acclimatize.
— I'm getting cold, is that normal?
— Yes, it's the normal process.
— Is it the same for everyone?
— Up to this point, yes. After that, it differs.
— This feeling of knowing you well.
— Yes, you know me well. You read my books on Earth, you know my teachings, and I take some credit for the fact that you appreciated them and that they were useful to you. But we mustn't talk about that anymore now. It delays the process. The time on Earth has passed.
— How am I talking to you when I don't feel any body?
“Indeed, we communicate directly, soul to soul. And although on Earth, as a religious person, you considered the soul, you couldn't have imagined what it might contain.”
“The cold is receding a little.
” “It will end very soon now. I am here for what comes after.
” “That's it, I don't feel it anymore. I felt various things during its passage. Memories came back to me. I saw mistakes I made. Often because I wanted to trust against all odds. Should I have condemned more when I've already been so reproached for it? During this cooling, I saw the secrets of things that have pained me so much. How can men stoop so low?
” “Don't worry about any of that now.
” “But why? It pains me.
” “Because your judgment couldn't be based on sound discernment, and above all, you can no longer change what has happened on Earth.” The feeling of knowing, of understanding what happened, this discovery that dawns on you, can be unsettling, because, in a way, it connects you to Earth when it should forever separate you from it.
— Am I supposed to do something?
— Yes. Surrender!
— Well, that's one thing that doesn't change compared to my condition on Earth… I understand everything. I see the ins and outs. I see scenes from my life, moments, I see what drove me, faith, I see faith everywhere, whether it's lacking or abundant. I was deceived, I see the deceivers, I understand the deceptions. What good is it to understand everything when I can no longer change anything?
— It's a stage. You have to get used to it.
— Oh! I just felt a pain! Someone is shouting, calling for help, there are several of them now, they're all talking to me. I see others suffering… Oh my God! What kind of priest is this who is damned? I don't see the occasion, I can't discern it. I have the impression that it concerns me, that people are gathered for me. He refuses to give communion to a parishioner who asks for it on his knees and on his tongue! Oh my God! I see his soul darkening. I see the pain, but I don't feel it within myself. I suffer from the lack of charity, is that right? And all these cries, from people I know, they beg me, they implore me. What can I do for them?
— Nothing.
— Why must I feel it then?
— It's a phase. It won't last.
— I feel the hardening of souls.
— They are the damned. They know your sanctification and are trying one last time not to be damned.
— But there are religious I have known. Priests!
— Yes, there are, and their number is increasing.
“Is there nothing we can do for these souls?
” “No, there’s nothing more we can do. They have chosen their damnation.
” “That poor priest who refuses communion…
” “It’s not for us to say. It’s for him to do.
” “Can we warn him?
” “Yes, we have. We have prayed for him.
” “Must I also feel the souls of others? Of the damned?
” “Yes, but you will get used to it. It is charity working fully. Your present state will last forever now that you have undergone the particular judgment and penance.
” “Penance? But why can’t some be saved? There are many poor people among them. I know. I remember.
” “Do you really remember? ‘The soul regrets its sin, not as guilt, but only as the cause of its suffering.’ All these people remain captive to their sin.”
“Attrition and contrition…”
After saying this, I felt my interlocutor nod in agreement. It always proved difficult for me to understand how I felt things without having my senses available for any longer. So the soul contained everything we know on Earth?
— What penance were you referring to?
— To feel all those souls you haven't saved.
— Could I?
— One can always do more on Earth, even if, certainly, you were a good craftsman.
— I'm missing a head, and yet I have the feeling that something has been placed on it.
— It's the crown of righteousness.
— But I know who placed it on me.
— Yes, you know him. We all know him, all Christians. He fought the good fight. Don't waste time looking for who it is; little by little, you will know souls by recognizing them. And you will no longer have to make comparisons with the earth. The latter will only interest you in order to intercede for other souls to be saved.
“I’ve always known all these things, and yet they seem so new to me.
” “Because you’re experiencing them now! In a few moments, you will examine your depths. They are immeasurable. Only He can fill them.
” “You mean…
” “He is coming now. Soon, you will hear nothing but the song of angels and the prayer of the living, with which you can act. Here, faith and hope no longer exist. On Earth, faith nourishes hope and charity. On Earth, faith can almost stand on its own, for it allows one to move mountains, but here, it is useless. The same is true for hope. They vanish. Only charity remains, this infinite love that you feel, but which is still disordered by your excessive closeness to the earth. Here, charity is alpha and omega.”
“I understand. I understand now. It’s not the brain that’s used at 5% on Earth, it’s the soul.”
“And even then, when it’s used at all!” He infuses our beings with the Holy Spirit, which gives the soul its capacity to believe fully.
— It is a growing and eternal union.
— He comes now.
— It's beautiful.
— I'm leaving you now.
— It's as if there were only one now.
— And it is now! An eternal morning. A fountain of youth. You'll see…