In this brief reflection on forgiveness, I simply wanted to revisit the inadequacy of saying "I'm sorry." Forgiving is sometimes extremely difficult. I confess that I still harbor some resentment deep in my heart. I constantly confess it and ask for a little grace to soften the hardness of my heart, but no, nothing really works, and I've instead learned to live with this hardness, which I've nevertheless managed to contain, which I haven't sincerely and intimately forgiven. Why? Why can't I completely shatter this hardness of heart? It seems stronger than me, and that worries me; I can't deny it.
After much reflection, I realized that verbal forgiveness was a false promise. In my case, I was able to tell someone several times that I forgave them, I was able to pray for them as sincerely as possible, but deep down, the bitterness remained. And I realized that this bitterness was there and that I had no way to get rid of it, because the only way to get rid of it was to do things together, to have a shared project, however small. Often, I held onto bitterness for people I no longer see, from whom I've drifted apart, or who have drifted away from me… And I understood that this bitterness I couldn't get rid of stemmed from this very fact. Having no contact with them, I couldn't share a project with them, we couldn't share the same goal again. Forgiveness remained a dead letter.
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