"Is it morning or evening?"
My breath would catch, then it would resume. As if giving a sign of a defect. He let me go. The pneuma was leaving me. I sighed that I was ready. My God I love! But, the breath came back, the air of nothing, as if he had gone out to run an errand. The memoir is out.
I knew G. was coming. I hoped that my last strength would last until his return. I was waiting for him to go into agony. I felt no tension. I think everything went quickly afterwards. Time is rushing. I heard different sounds that don't seem to all belong to the same universe. It gave me a vague torpor like you feel when you're comatose. Sounds coming from several dimensions. G arrived with two sisters, my little memories who had taken such good care of me all these years.
I heard perfectly what was being said. The soul has ears, doesn't it? I gauged which witnesses would be present during my judgment. I questioned my angel, but he did not answer. Was he already called to pave my way? I could hear G. speaking to me in his melodious voice to reassure me, but I couldn't answer him. This is certainly what decided him to bless me and offer me the last sacrament. My voice no longer came out. I understood that this time, she would never go out again. My voice on Earth died out at that moment. It started like this. She had betrayed me before, however this time, I understood that it was final. I no longer exerted any force to make her change her mind. I felt that parts of me were becoming independent of me. I wanted to repeat: my God whom I love! I say it without a voice. From the look, G. understood me. The soul has ears. G. knelt down the moment I felt like I was slipping. I remembered myself, as a child, slipping on a pool of freezing water and finding myself on my buttocks, spinning on my own. My eyes closed on this delicious memory of mom and dad laughing at the bursts of my fall, my very dear brother was also laughing at their side, then he helped me to get up. My dear parents who had given me life in a difficult time and who, at the cost of great renunciations, had prepared a marvelous home for me with their love. Everything happened very quickly. I left my body. I understood that the soul was the real I. I still felt my limbs. It was strange. I felt someone coming. Everything was going very fast. A person was approaching. He was familiar to me. How did I know? It was like a new sense that preceded all my lost senses. I knew who was coming even though I didn't see anyone, besides my vision was blurring, it was getting confused, but I knew, I felt that someone was standing in front of me.

“It feels strange, I know.
At least at the start. Then we get used to it. Matter without matter. Kind of like a man complaining of pain in his hands and feet after having them amputated. My image is a little abrupt… But, it speaks, doesn't it? I didn't dare ask him who he was, although it made me itch.
I was still trying to remember who it was. Asking his name seemed rude to me, if I had known him before… He preceded the question that burned my lips as if he knew my thoughts. — It's the other aspect that bothers you at first.
You will meet many people you know or have heard of, and gradually, acclimated to the place, you will recognize them on the spot. You have to get used to it. These lend-natural gifts have always been within you, but dormant. Your soul is still steeped in the habits of the earth. Here, names don't matter. We know each other because we recognize each other. Souls do not call each other by name on Earth, because they do not have to cooperate within a social group with a body and a spirit, where each part pulls to hue and dia, the souls contain the name . For now, call me R., if you want, while you get used to it. "I'm getting cold, is that normal?"
“Yes, that's the normal process.
"Is it the same for everyone?"
“Up to this point, yes.
Then it differs. - This feeling of knowing you well.
“Yes, you know me well.
You have read my books on Earth, you know my teaching, and I take some glories that you enjoyed it and that it served you. But, we don't have to talk about that anymore. This delays the process. Earth's time has passed. - How am I talking to you since I feel no body?
“Indeed, we communicate directly from soul to soul.
And although on Earth as a religious you considered the soul, you could not imagine what it could contain. — The cold is going away a bit.
“It will stop very soon now.
I'm here for the after. - That's it, I don't feel it anymore.
I felt various things during his passage. Memories came back to me. I have seen mistakes that I have made. Often for having wanted to trust against all odds. Should I have condemned more when I have already been reproached for it so much? I saw during this cold the secrets of things that pained me so much. How can men stoop so low? “Don't worry about any of that now.
- But why ?
It pains me. — Because your judgment could not be based on certain discernment, and above all, you can no longer change anything about what happened on Earth.
The feeling of knowing, of understanding what happened, this discovery that appears to you, can destabilize, because, in a sense, it connects you to the earth when it must forever separate you from it. "Am I supposed to do something?"
- Yes.
Give up! — Here is something that does not change if I compare it with my condition on Earth… I understand everything.
I see the ins and outs. I see scenes from my life, moments, I see what animated me, faith, I see faith everywhere, whether it is lacking or abundant. I have been deceived, I see the deceivers, I understand the deceptions. What's the use of understanding everything when I can't change anything anymore? - It's a stage.
You have to get used to it. - Oh !
I just felt pain! A person shouts, calls me for help, there are several of them now, they are talking to me. I see others who are suffering… Oh my God! Who is this priest who damns himself, I do not see the occasion, I do not distinguish it. I feel like it concerns me that people are together for me. He refuses to give communion to a faithful who asks for it on his knees and on his tongue! Oh my God ! I see his soul darken. I see the pain, but I don't feel it inside me. I suffer from lack of charity, is that right? And, all these cries, people I know, they beg me, they implore me. What can I do for them? - Nothing.
"Why do I have to feel it then?"
- It's a stage.
She won't last. — I feel the hardening of souls.
“They are the damned.
They know your sanctification and try one last time not to be damned. "But there are monks I have known."
Priests! — Yes, there are, and the number is increasing.
"Can't we do anything for these souls?"
"No, there's nothing more we can do.
So they chose their damnation. 'That poor priest who refuses communion…
' 'It's not for us to say.
It is up to him to do it. "Can we warn him?"
- Yes it's done.
We prayed for him. "Must I also feel the souls of others?"
Of the damned? - Yes, but you will.
It is charity acting completely. Your present state will last forever now that you have undergone special judgment and penance. "Penance?"
But, why can't some of them be saved, there are many poor people among them. I know it. I remember. "Do you really remember?"
“The soul regrets its sin, not as guilt, but only as the cause of its suffering. All of these people remain captive to their sin. - Attrition and contrition ...
After saying that, I felt that my interlocutor nodded.
It was always difficult for me to understand how I felt without having my senses any longer. So the soul contained everything we knew on Earth? "What penance were you talking about in this case?"
“To feel all those souls you didn't save.
"Could I?"
'You can always do more on Earth, even if you've certainly been a good craftsman.
- I lack head, and yet I have the impression that I was deposited something above.
“It is the crown of justice.
'But I know who asked it.
“Yes, you know him.
We all know it, all Christians. He fought the good fight. Do not waste time looking for who it is, little by little you will know souls by recognizing them. And, you will no longer have to make comparisons with the earth. The latter will interest you only to intercede there for other souls to be saved. — I have known all these things forever and yet they seem so new to me.
"Because you are living them now!"
In a few moments you will examine your depth. It is immeasurable, He alone can fill it. 'You mean…
' 'He's coming now.
Soon, you will only hear the song of the angels and the prayer of the living with which you will be able to act. Here, faith and hope no longer exist. On Earth, faith irrigates hope and charity. On Earth, faith can almost be enough, because it can move mountains, but here, it is useless. The same is true for hope. They disappear. Only charity remains, this infinite love, which you feel, but which is still disordered by your too close proximity to the earth. Here, charity is alpha and omega. - I understand.
I understand now. It is not the brain that is used at 5% on Earth, it is the soul. - And again, when it is used!
He infuses our beings with the Holy Spirit which gives the soul its capacity to fully believe. “It is a growing and eternal union.
'He's coming now.
- It's beautiful.
"I'm leaving you now.
“It's like there's only one now.
- And it is now! An eternal morning. A fountain of youth. You'll see…