In this little reflection on forgiveness, I just wanted to come back to the inadequacy of saying sorry. Forgiveness is sometimes extremely difficult. I admit I still have some grudges deep in my heart. I constantly confess them and ask for a little grace to soften the hardness of my heart, but no, nothing really helps, and I have rather learned to live with this hardness that I have despite everything managed to circumscribe, that I sincerely and intimately forgave. Why ? Why can't I grind this hardness of heart to dust? She seems stronger than me and that worries me, I can't hide it.
After thinking about it many times, I realized that it was artificial to forgive verbally. In my case, I was able to tell someone several times that I forgave him, I was able to pray as sincerely as possible for him, but deep down this acrimony remained coiled up. And I realized that this acrimony was there and I had no way to extract it, because there was only one way to extract it, and that was to do things together, to have a common project, no matter how small. Often, I thus kept acrimony for people whom I no longer see, from whom I distanced themselves, or who moved away from me... And I understood that this acrimony which I was unable to extract came from of this state of affairs. No longer having contact with them, I could not share a project with them, we could not share the same goal again. Forgiveness remained a dead letter.
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